So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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