I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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