her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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