I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
