I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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