Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize