Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
