haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
