But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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