On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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