kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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