we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
