My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
