Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm just crazy horny about you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
