i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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