Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
