I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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