Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
