Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
