I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am one with the molecules
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
