Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
