I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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