whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
