I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
