Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
