This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
