Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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