Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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