When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
