he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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