A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
