yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
