it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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