I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
