dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
