this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
