my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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