dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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