You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.