Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?