i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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