After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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