This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
