hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
