I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize