I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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