I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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