You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
