"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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