Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
