I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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