Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
