bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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