yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
