we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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