He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize