Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
