I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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