I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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