It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
