someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
