If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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