Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
