I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
