the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
