I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
