I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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