And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
