just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
