Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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