Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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