Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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