Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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