I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
