i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
