Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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