I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
