If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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