he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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