sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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