Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
