I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
