we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
