R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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