dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
