Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
